Our Severe Mercy
Last week I sat in the nursery and a mom sat across from me as we discussed the world of foster care.
She asked me, “How did you do it? How did you let go of the control of what your future would be - the life you envisioned?”
I nodded - she understood it.
That was the dilemma we faced - we had a picture perfect future and this did not fit. It didn’t fit with the collection of names we had for our future kiddos. It didn’t fit with the next few years of running businesses and getting them off to a good start.
As starry-eyed newlyweds we did not allow space for kiddos going through trauma, visits at social services or summons to court hearings.
I told her about the tears in the car - holding each other’s hands and whispering yes with fear in our hearts.
I told her about what had brought us to that point - that the alternative seemed to no longer be a viable option.
We had heard the call and a no would have left us with an original plan that had lost all of its beauty and been marred instead with a cloud of guilt and joyless living.
You see, if Christ is Lord of our lives that means He has to have the place of directing us. It was no longer our decision. We don’t have the luxury of choosing our way forward - we are being led.
And oh, what a joy it is to be led when nothing we know is guaranteed to continue and the outcomes are unknown.
I would rather be led than be forging my own way.
I would rather whisper a yes with a heart afraid with Him leading the way then to make a decided no and travel all alone.
We like to kid ourselves into thinking we can choose - but once our lives have been surrendered over and Christ takes up residence within our heart - we no longer have a choice. We have a guide.
And the guide is good and He leads us beside still waters when needed and He takes us through great waters and ways of fiery trial when needed.
He created our hearts and knows the inner workings of our minds and will not leave us for a moment of time.
We have been somewhat on the other side now. Not the perfect place - not where there is no longer any fear. But we have gone this way far enough to see now that this was always the best way.
Our picture perfect image of what the future holds was shattered almost from the beginning. That is a blessing, a mercy that He did not let us go a longer way with it firmly in our grasp.
