Of mothering and church
I sat on a pew on the outer edge of the room, the baby crawled around at my feet. I looked over to the opposite corner and watched as my husband paced with the toddler.
We had attended a night of worship, and the children had reached the point where we could no longer stay in our seats without causing a tremendous disruption to our kind neighbors trying to enjoy the peaceful atmosphere.
I thought then about how I could question our reason for coming. We could easily have stayed home due to the fact that we would participate in much less of the event than the rest of those in attendance. But I knew that our attendance was not without its benefit to our family.
I looked again with gratitude at my husband as he worshiped with arms full, that he leads us in attending such events even in this season.
This is a season of life when we have the least opportunity to be spiritually nurtured and yet it is when we are in perhaps the most desperate need of it.
A friend said it well, “If I were be asked to disciple another I would question my abilities and pour myself over study and training to ensure I am the most equipped I can be.” And yet, is not our parenting just that? One of the greatest discipleship opportunities we will ever have.
Yet we are all prone to excuses.
We wish we could study the Bible.
We wish we could sit through a sermon.
We wish we could attend the church events.
We wish we could participate in the outreach.
And while there are plenty of obstacles in our way, I wonder to myself - am I willing to grab the fragments and see their value?
We bemoan the lack of quiet time in the morning, but should we then throw out any small attempt to mediate on scripture?
We complain of the difficulty of sitting through a Sunday service, yet should we give up the entire attempt even to participate in what is possible?
We wish to gather with others and study the word but quiet ourselves with the conclusion that it is simply impossible in this season.
I am sharing these from my own guilt on each point.
The reality is, if I understood my desperate need, then I would desperately find a way to be fed.
If I felt a lack of Spiritual growth like the gnawing hunger of a missed meal, I would seek out any small snack to help satisfy my craving.
Do I long for Him? Do I find him to be the most precious and costly of treasures? Have I been deceived into believing that as a mother I will simply have to be content with less of Jesus until this season has come to a close?
If so, I will have a vain pursuit of trying to pour into my children in a vital season of their lives with an empty pitcher that has nothing of substance to give.
I share these words as a challenge to my own soul.
I have recently begun to pull out the notebooks more in pursuit of gleaning more from my time in the Word - scribbling notes in between moments of discipline and grabbing snacks
I have just started to awaken from the slumber of sleepless nights and ready excuses to realize that I have small souls that have been placed in my care and for these days I will be held accountable for how they have been spent.
As I sat on the outer edge of the group gathered together for a night of worship I remembered that to sit, even on the outer edge, of such an event was a needed refreshment to my soul.
I remembered that though we were tired and weary from the day of work and parenting, our children were able to observe others bringing their gifts of praise to Jesus. They were reminded of what matters in our family and they heard familiar songs that we hope they one day will sing along with.
Perhaps one of the greatest things to remember in these fleeting days of raising littles is that their eyes are always on us and they learn from what we daily do.
We display our priorities by what we give our time to. We have a lifeline that is made available to us to ensure that we have everything we need to do this beautiful and sacred work of discipling little children. Let us cling to it together and treasure it for all it is worth.
Your sister and friend,
Amanda