For those who wish to marry

I could do a simple copy and paste of the book of Proverbs here and you would be better off.

But considering you already have ready access to this book I will simply direct you —go, listen openly, and walk in the way of wisdom.

Here I simply share a few of my own observations.

You may take them for what you find them worth and discard what you find irrelevant. I simply make the request —give careful thought, aligning with Biblical truth, before you make the choice to put aside.

We are just a few months from 2 years. Hardly ready to share deep insight and wisdom.

But these are a few things I have both been grateful for in this journey and things I long for others to understand.

First:

Let any man take heed lest he fall.

This played over and over again in my head in the early days of dating. We are prone to fall. There is an enemy who seeks to destroy. What we often forget, His eyes are set all the more on those with reputations of godliness —how much greater the victory?

You who seek to walk in a godly manner will be required to give all the more care.

Second:

You are headed into one of the greatest times of testing that will require every ounce of spiritual strength.

To make it to the wedding day by the skin of your teeth leaves little reward. To look back and know that you’ve fought the the good fight, have finished the race and have kept the faith is what makes a wedding day truly blissful and the greatest gift you can give your future selves.

The memories of regretted decisions don’t quickly fade.

Third:

Get wisdom, my friend. Heed the words of those who go before you.

To listen is of no avail if you do not change your course. I used to think much of myself and the spiritual knowledge I had acquired. It matters little against true experience. There is an insight that others can give to you that is a jewel more precious than diamonds. Seek it, acquire it, and then heed it by a changed life.

Do not surround yourself by only those who applaud, by those who give no caution, no deeper understanding.

Listen to instruction from those who have gone before.

Fourth:

Make humility your daily habit.

To walk in understanding with another, to bear with one another in love will require the greatest depths of humility. Practice it now whenever you are given the chance. You will escape many hardships.

When correction is given, search yourself and take any fragment of truth from it. Give daily practice to keeping the walls of pride and defense down and keeping yourself open to insight from others. This will be a great strength to you in the days to come.

Fifth:

Learn the art of conflict. It is inevitable in this life, thus you must master it. Learn the art of talking through a struggle, communicating in an effective way —free of manipulation, overwhelming emotion and words that will injure.

Learn to work through to the end, keep records short and you will have greater joy in the years ahead.

Sixth:

Learn to serve others. When you are sick, when you are tired, when you are spent, when you are weary, learn to keep a heart that seeks to serve and you will truly live out the words found in the book of Romans — “outdo one another in showing honor”.

Learn to give of yourself —your time, your energy, your resources, your talents. To marry is to enter into a shared life and it is most enjoyed when selfishness is not present.

To love is to sacrifice.

Seventh:

Do not neglect your time with God. We knew our greatest help against temptation and danger was to keep ourselves daily in the presence of the Lord. Not merely a quick read through a passage, but searching our hearts and testing if there be any wicked way within us.

It is a hard thing to live in daily sin when standing at the feet of Jesus. Stay there, my friend. Cling to His presence more than ever before.

Eighth:

Cultivate discipline.

Rise early, exercise, say no to bad foods, follow a to-do list.

Why? Because every act of discipline will strengthen you in every other area of your life.

Discipline is a muscle to be exercised as much as possible —especially when preparing to marry and walking through the dating period.

Ninth:

Treasure your season.

I did not know then that I was living through a time that I would look back on and treasure nearly every day. Those days of building a bond, getting to know one another and making treasured memories are among the most important that you’ll ever walk through.

Don’t wish them away, don’t look only to the destination. You are living in a beautiful season that you won’t ever get back.

These are simple thoughts I’ve gathered over the past year and a half. Things I was both grateful to know or wished that I understood better.

Zach and I made it to our wedding day with little regret. We made many mistakes. There are things that we would change. But we had years more in learning than many couples do and it was a gift to us.

We had the ability to keep our relationship short due to knowing each other for so many years and being at an age where we were held back by very little. Our family was supportive and no concerns were voiced to us to take it slow. We were ready and that kept us from facing struggles that many other must walk through.

I suppose our many years of painful waiting paid off with an easier set up for dating than most.

Still, I did not understand the above things nearly as well as I wished I would have in that precious season that goes all too quickly.

Your marriage has the potential to be one of the most rewarding aspects of your life or one of your greatest sources of pain. How you live now will greatly impact which direction you go.

I have been surprised by the joy we have found thus far, but it has not come without intentional work and the greatest efforts given. We’ve learned from many mistakes and have so far yet to travel down this road.