What a parent doesn’t owe their children

I write this not as a seasoned parent with wisdom gained by experience, but rather as one who was (fairly?) recently a child in my own home and now a young mother carefully taking observation of the way I wish to travel.

One of the things that has taken me by surprise in my parenting is the heavy guilt I feel when I deprive my children of something I know they would enjoy.

I am aware of our human limitations but often question myself —am I doing what’s right? Are my motives selfish? Am I depriving them of something they are owed simply for being children?

This begs the question…

What is it that we owe our children?

There are countless invitations to provide enjoyment, opportunity + friendships —so how will I know what I ought to do? What will my motive be?

Perhaps to remember a few guiding truths?

Perhaps to give myself an anchor to holds down when I’m tempted to make decisions on a whim.

After all, what ought to be the theme of my parenting?

To protect them from unnecessary evil and temptation.

To train them in all godliness.

To demonstrate to them in the conduct of my own life —what it is to walk in the way of Christ.

I heard it said countless times by someone influential in my life —hours of influence is what it all comes down to. Those who holds the most of them will be the ultimate influence in their lives.

A good case for teaching our children at home, no doubt.

But I’m reminded how quickly the hours of influence even then, are snatched from a parents grasp by well meaning intentions.

How then, do we make ours the most prominent voice in our children’s lives?

How do we gather up as many of those precious hours of influence as we can, as those who love our children the most?

I would venture to say it’s impossible while maintaining the idea that we owe our child every delight  + opportunity.

How best can we protect their peer influences, but to keep a gathering with another family ‘round our family dinner table the most coveted of social gatherings?

How best can we understand the inner workings of their heart but to limit our busy calendars to provide time for thoughtful discussion and opportunity for our eyes to watch over them with love?

How best can we demonstrate the way of Christ-likeness but to give effort to finding creative ways for us to build bonding memories in the slow evenings at home or the weekend family adventures?

What becomes the enemy of this endeavor?

I would venture to say that our good intentions are subconsciously driven out by a good opportunity for our children’s development and enjoyment.

We desire to give good gifts to our children which is in fact, a biblical truth reflective of our Father’s heart!

But may we model ourselves after Christ and remember how often our wishes denied for a greater good that he sees down the road.

Our yes’ are always a no to something else. What are we subconsciously saying no to?

Truth be told, our children will likely not become professional athletes.

Truth be told, the entire mentality that children are deserved something that could rob them of what’s needed to cultivate a heart for Christ is a lie from the enemy.

I believe that there are many lurking dangers around the corner for a family set out to serve Christ, but could good-opportunities be perhaps what the enemy has decided to be most effective? I often wonder.

Last night Zach and I discussed our current exhaustion and the need for a date night.

He asked the question as a new parent…Is it normal for kids to expect to play a game with their parents each night?

We wondered together, is it realistic for us to “entertain” our children each night before bed?

We both came away with the thought, aren’t we glad they look to us for this enjoyment? Aren’t we glad that this is their expectation of a night of fun? To simply be with us.

We will keep on in our way of rounds of Uno and board game fun as long as they are willing and afterwards lean in all the more.

These concepts are easily put down in words, another challenge entirely to walk them out. We will fall, we will fail, we will retrace our steps without a doubt.