The one thing we most want from each other

“Can you come out and watch Ev catch the football?”

I give an enthusiastic “yes,”and make my way outside.

Once I arrive, little Ev looks up with a proud gleam in his eye. In fact, he becomes so distracted with ensuring my eyes are on him that he fails to catch the football several times.

I’m reminded —the direction of my gaze matters so very much to my children.

I read something recently, how just as a newborn looks first for the gaze of its mother as it enters the world, so are we all always looking for someone who is looking for us.

We all have the same ache—to be seen by another, to be sought after.

This is why my children long to show off their newest trick. This is why they ask countless questions each day, with the longing for interaction and engagement.

Looking to be seen by me.

The question is, what captures my gaze the most each day? 

Where we look with our eyes communicates to those around us —it reveals what is best capturing our attention.

When I wake in the morning and open God’s Word, I reveal to my children that this matters.

When I look their way so they can demonstrate their latest accomplishment, it tells them reassuringly —you matter to me.

So where is my gaze most often fixed?

I confess that though I long for a screen free environment for my children, I still give hours a day to the screens I allow myself.

Each time, communicating something. And what is it that I communicate to them when I give it attention?

Perhaps that what this device holds is important. At the very least, that I find it to be so.

More important than what surrounds me.

More important than…them?

Perhaps the reason children crave technology is because their first craving of their mother’s eyes has so often been replaced by this.

Perhaps the reason they find the screen so mesmerizing is because they’ve watched us all be mesmerized from little on.

To where do I go with these thoughts?

Perhaps a first step —to evaluate, to make a list, to take inventory of my heart's greatest affections.

I have spent the past few days pouring over a book that shares openly the enemy we're up against. The billions of dollars that go into keeping my gaze on a small screen that lives in each of our pockets. I am no match for its power.

So how will I find a way forward? With eyes looking forward to the ones who matter more to me. More than likes and the random thoughts of an acquaintance I met two years ago and have yet to bump into again since. 

One thing I know for certain, I don’t want the little lives in my home to go searching for my gaze only to find it distracted by a screen.